yesterday


…I was thinking about how conceited I used to be just a few years back. Maybe in my early 20’s. I used to be judgmental of people especially when it came to education. You could not have me talking to just about anyone about anything personal. Disclosure was a dignified gift only for the selected few. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I would still enjoy chatting with a beggar on the bust stop and just be myself. However, I would automatically consider most people inferior. I had that notion that no lay man could know about life and its intricate meaning unless they spent about a million years over books and self-reflection.
Then I started working as a waitress. A huge blow to my ego. H U G E. I was placed in such a foreign setting, conversations, experiences of simple mere people, and to my amazement they also had a way of interpreting life. I don’t think any of my colleagues ever showed signs of questioning their existence or self-reflection. But they were still magically managing to extract something that made them feel like themselves. Conversations never went beyond the house, the children, the new car, the Christmas stew, and next year’s dream vacation. I was so crushed at first. As an avid introvert and self-torturer I felt completely lonely and so lost, questioning my own values. Well, many of those I had to reshape, reconstruct, create. Many of my friends there possessed amazing social skills that from a psychological point of view worked perfectly for keeping them sane. I began to think that shutting one’s philosophical eye has a potential of making you happy. Happy. How hedonistic, and how needed, intrinsic, intuitive, instinctive! Yet, when I was leaving the luxurious bright and polished casino bar, hardly anyone of them could get it. But why are you leaving this job, health insurance, a salary twice as good as a psychologist’s, fancy 2-story house, and mostly-America-the greatest?
That’s why I had to.
Yesterday, I was stricken by our building custodian. You just know when someone is genuinely accomplished and just happy. I so admire such people!
So no more judging. I know that every single one of us has it and it’s what you yourself make of it. So simple.

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One thought on “yesterday

  1. Sadly, alkA, I used to think the same. Now I know. Some people, just DON’T have it in them. You try them one way or another, you turn them and look at them from every direction, and you still find nothing! Just a waste of space and fresh air.
    I always try to find the best in people and not judge them by their cover, but sometimes I just give up on them.

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