Today is a really sunny day. In many aspects, actually.
I have become so mindful lately that I take note of almost everything I do during the day. It turns the usual and run-down activities that we all take for granted into special rituals with meanings that somehow relate to a more fulfilling life. Just this little change in noticing, just in noticing what I do. Nothing has changed or expected, no action is taken, but the way I measure it, examine it, and ultimately enjoy it. It is a hard thing to do especially if I am overwhelmed with things to be done, or thought through. However, it is ever more rewarding!
I open my eyes and just close them back, still in bed…mentally inspecting my body and if it’s ready to take on the day. Stretch. I get up slowly and just stay sitting on the rim of the bed, looking over the sleeping eyes of someone who will not get up for at least 2 or 3 hours later. I smile. By the time I am in the bathroom my whole body is slowly awakening, my feet touching the carpet and then the cold tiles. I let them be. My favorite part of the morning is making my coffee. I do it slowly as if it is really sacred. It is, in a way, to me. It’s one of those things that I assign meaning to and I depend on, well I let myself depend on. Watching the people walking on the street and taking in the smooth aroma rising from the coffee pot.
Today is a good day. I sat back on the couch. It was 6.30 am and I loved the crispiness of the unfolding sunrise. It is cold, but the room is warm. I have made it a point to get up early and have this me-time, ever since Sami was born. There is nothing like the quietness of the house right before it bursts with the energy of every-dayness that we all bring into the picture. Mornings are the most reflexive part of the day to me. I could look back, look forward and at the same time be present. Here and now.
So today…I looked back to these last few days, felt all kinds of emotions about all the work I did, all the work I didn’t but wished I did, and all the things that made me smile. I noticed getting overwhelmed with feelings about Sami. All bombarding me how I miss him, how I want to stroke his long hair and kiss his gentle forehead, play with him and just squeeze the life out of him. So much pain there, so much…love!
Then I had to make myself refocus on the reasons why…it did make me feel better immediately. I have accumulated a huge pile of knowledge on something that really really REALLY matters to me. I have faced so much insecurities, and my own issues no longer seem so overpowering, as I know they come and go, and new ones take over. But in all this calamity I can remain calm, I can observe and endure. I can wake up, smile and make another cup of coffee. The same cup every day, and I can so enjoy it.
Today is a really sunny day.