silver lining

Looking for one is always a challenge for me, especially at certain points in my life. Actually, only during these times, because in reality if you are just about ok with how things are you don’t even start looking for the silver lining. It is everywhere. Life is just SILVER…but only briefly. Other than that I let the clouds do its work and dark grotesque shadows take over…the silver thins out and there I go again…on the floor, searching for meanings.

On the bright side, there a the in-between moments, when you are aware that if you manage to pull yourself together, just that little bit much more, and you can crawl up and look through the leafless trees, and right there…the silver is glistening. Somewhat.

Today is the 35th day (give or take) since I have been down with a cold, or a flu, or a tonsillis, you name it, I got it all. I am doing everything half-way. Working, writing, cooking, cleaning, mothering and ‘wifing’, cannot even go through a whole movie; missed yoga yesterday (a class that I have been waiting for since Christmas).

Sami is at nursery. It is cloudy, cold, it is raining (has it ever stopped really), it is also snowing, and the winds are like tiny blades leaving marks on everything slightly uncovered. The house is empty, dark and dull. I am just the same.

A decision not to give in though, has settled inside and won’t let go regardless of the depressing music I have played, the empty gaze that I had attached to my eyes. So, I made tea, 4 actually so far and it is not even lunch time, started reading a really good article on creativity, and am restlessly waiting on Stoyan’s return from the store where I’ve sent him with a huge list for ingredients for my favorite Tom Yum soup. As we are kid-free for the day, we plan to snuggle in bed watching movies, until it is time to pick Sami up.

Looking forward for a speck of light within this gloomy day.


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