on refining my truths

An honorable human relationship — that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word “love” — is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.

It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation.

It is important to do this because in doing so we do justice to our own complexity.

It is important to do this because we can count on so few people to go that hard way with us.

by Adrienne Rich.

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to the best daddy in the whole wide world

I could go on forever with the sugar-coated praise, but you know this is not really me…All I would want to say is that you amaze me with the greatest devotion, the nonchalant and easy-going fathering you are providing for Sami. Keep dropping him when on the slides, this only comes to show that you are always there with him! Keep forgetting to feed him dinner on time, only because you are playing a game with him and you two are so totally lost in the moment, that my heart just melts (and my ovaries just go into somersaults)! Keep bringing him home with his brand-new pair of jeans ripped open and a bruised forehead, after skateboarding in the park for hours! His proud smile says it all…

I don’t know many things these days, and certainty in life is  becoming quite abstract! But, one thing I know with every cell of my body, every crazy thought crossing my brain, and every irregular beat of my heart – there could have never been a better daddy in the whole wide universe for my son than YOU! Happy Father’s day, my dear!

many paths…they just confuse me

Back to the mind-blowing roundabouts of always focusing on the future, the next step in life, the next adventure, relocation, searching for a better, richer, and more fulfilling experiences…I have been so devoted to the future, that I am no longer present here and now.
Yesterday, at meditation class, for the first time in months, I realized that I have gone away again. As we have been literally transferred into the future, a time when we are finally together with Sami, I have forgotten about now. It takes a shower of ambivalence to actually devote yourself to the moment and realize how precious and real it is, and it is all we got. Preoccupations with the future, constant ruminations with planning, they all take you further away from any actual living.