surprisingly nice holiday calmness

My days are so full lately and I couldn’t be more grateful and amazed…I am focused and relaxed for a change. It feels nice, actually.
Counting backwards the days…



Healing the mind through the body…

These past days Stoyan has been trying to comfort me through my very favorite things and activities. This thought alone makes me feel quite warm inside. It helps to acknowledge the circumstances on a larger scale.

A massage, followed by a delicious lunch in my very favorite “Go Raw Cafe” minutes away from home have been great and replenishing and made me realize again and again the preciousness of my little family.I am so grateful.


Not for the easily offended. Looking for a good home. With ‘no strings attached’.I just dug out one of my latest toys. I don’t think it represents the first thing that comes to mind though…and I was trying to figure out the state of mind I must have been in while knitting it. It must have been the sensation slash attention seeker in me.

my AHA moment

It was so simple, and so powerful at the same time. Greeting the sunrise on the Grand Canyon South Rim. 6 am. No one around. Both my boys peacefully asleep, hugging. Just my coffee and me, sitting on the edge of an endlessly steep red rock.  No tourists with gigantic cameras clicking away shot after shot, not even engaged in the view.

The Grand Canyon is grand. It takes your breath away in seconds, while it takes at least a minute for your urbanized brain to process the vastness of the scene.

There I had it. My AHA moment. An insight. A glimpse. It is such a cliche but, I guess, cliches are there for a reason. When one looks and sees, and is there at the moment, utterly present. Everything feels so right and clear. There is no fear, anxiety, beliefs, or understanding. Just and effortless presence.

These brief moments make it all worth the effort.

amor fati

Fancy title, Alex. I know.

I have realized that I find myself struggling when I try to express something simple. It is quite ironic, since things are what they are, right? But for me it seems like it is easier to go about something instead of giving it its purest and simplest name. This is why I prefer to use the actual iconic language of established concepts. Here I go again..

Amor fati or this-is-the-way-things-are-meant-to-be is Neitzche’s love for one’s faith. I have always struggled with my own fate, until the moment I decided to just accept it and to love it, to squeeze it and embrace it fully. It is a strange, dark, and at the same time quite simple process. It is an actual participation in my own creation. It is a choice that anyone can make. There is such a sense of joy that comes from participation in your own destiny, no matter how slight it is. It does involve, of course a bitter realization of your own limitations, but still so worth it. Just a recommendation, that is…